


pull the trigger (leave me in the dirt)

by Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams



Series: kintsugi [9]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Angst and Feels, Anxiety Attacks, Coming of Age, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Depression, First Love, First Time, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Multi, Partner Betrayal, Physical Abuse, Religious Guilt, snippets of briar's past relationship, this is not a happy story to be clear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24674704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams/pseuds/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams
Summary: Before the Devildom, Briar was an only child stuck in an abusive religious household. Kicked out at eighteen for coming out of the closet, they fight to reach peace within themself.(Snippets of their past and the people in it)
Relationships: Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s)
Series: kintsugi [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669783
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	pull the trigger (leave me in the dirt)

**Author's Note:**

> Briar's past has been bugging me to be written so here we are. Hopefully it'll give some insight into why they act the way they do
> 
> Each chapter will be stand alone and a snapshot into their past relationship with Sam; not all of them will be full of angst but the ending isn't a happy one
> 
> Note that in a lot of these Briar isn't out as NB and others will refer to them as she/her. I'll still be using they/them pronouns regardless 
> 
> Please head the tags in each chapter and stay safe!
> 
> TW: homophobia, parental abuse, homelessness

The sky is overcast.

How very fitting, Briar thinks as they take in a deep breath. The police station doors close behind them with a soft click, punctuating their newfound freedom.

The street is busy despite the early hour. They step away from the doors and make their way down the stairs to the sidewalk. Several curious stares from passerby linger on their disheveled form before slipping away.

Briar’s hands smooth over the front of their shirt self-consciously. They have no where to go to clean up and no belongings. Their parents had made sure of that.

Going back to the house is out of the question. It would only lead to a far worse confrontation and more police involvement.

They pull their hood up over their head and wince when it stretches the bruises on their ribs; a parting gift from their father.

The sting of the words that had flown the previous night hurts worse than the bruises. Then again, they always do. Pain from physical injuries are always the same. There’s a threshold and only so many ways the body can hurt. It’s easy to brace yourself for what you know is coming.

The heart, on the other hand, is unpredictable. Its weakness is ever changing; a mystery to even the owner.

Briar’s heart has always been particularly soft, no matter how hard they’ve tried to make it otherwise.

They walk aimlessly through the city, uncertain of their destination. They have enough money to survive for a week or two, they think, but they’re uncertain as to what to do. They don’t have a credit card or credit history and they’re eighteen. Finding a hotel will be close to impossible.

The soft sound of chimes reaches their ears and before they know it they’ve come face to face with a store tucked in beside what looks like a bookshop and a café.

They recognize it immediately by the name: _The Dragon’s Mantle_. Through the window they can see crystals and large plants lining the display box. Tarot cards are pressed to the glass and further in they can see rows of herbs and dishes.

It’s not a store Briar would normally be allowed in. If their parents caught wind of it they would be beaten for the embarrassment.

But, they’re free of their parents now. Free of their expectations and the suffocation of Christianity.

Their hand hesitates over the handle before they take a deep breath and push forward. A small bell lets out a happy tune as they step into the warmth of the store before falling silent as the door swings shut. Immediately the scent of herbs fills their nose, though Briar isn’t nearly knowledgeable enough to tell what they are.

“Welcome!” Someone calls from deeper inside. “Let me know if I can help you find anything!”

Briar doesn’t look around for the voice. They duck their head and retreat into the shelves where they can pretend that they’re alone.

They fiddle nervously with the crystals in front of them and read the small cards that mark each individual section. The entire store seems well loved and cared for. There’s personality everywhere and the soft sound of music surrounds them.

It’s not scary, they decide. Not yet.

They move deeper and scan figurines of fantastical figures. Dragons are common, which they assume is due to the name _The Dragon’s Mantle_. They can’t help but linger on some of the intricacies in them before forcing themselves onwards.

There are cauldrons that they scurry past and expensive crystal balls that Briar itches to touch. Everything is so beautiful in its own unique way. They’re enchanted by how strange and magical it all seems.

The back of the store is full of books. It’s there that Briar hesitates, unsure if they should continue. They know what people like their parents think of the idea of magic.

 _‘Satan’s work, girl,’_ their mother would scoff. _‘I won’t let my own daughter spit in the face of God and shame me that way.’_

As if she wasn’t guilty of her own sin.

As if she didn’t abuse her own child.

Briar swallows back the taste of bitterness and reaches out for a book with a leather spine. There are symbols pressed into the cover that they trace over before opening the pages.

It’s a beastiary, they realize with a start. Though some of the creatures inside are things they’ve never heard of before.

They turn to what they know and open a section titled Lucifer. There’s a picture of a fallen angel and below that, a star imprinted into the page.

“If you’re interested in demons, we have a whole section further down.”

Briar just barely manages to hold back a shriek. The book snaps closed as they whirl to face forward. They hold it like a shield in front of their chest as they meet a pair of curious brown eyes.

Briar stares back, frozen in place and unable to speak. Their eyes flit to the name tag on her chest before darting away. The last thing they want is to be accused of ogling.

Sam waves towards the back with ring laden fingers. Her nails are a deep purple that Briar finds especially pretty; they’ve never gotten to paint their nails before. “I can show you if you want?”

“No!” Briar winces at the volume and glances around for any curious bystanders. They try to push the book back into its place only to send several large tomes to the floor. “I’m—so sorry, I’ll fix it, just—”

A soft laugh causes the back of their neck to burn. Briar bends down and nearly smashes their face into Sam’s in their haste.

“You’re not the first one to do that, these shelves are crowded.” She slides the books back into place with ease before looking back at Briar. A frown crosses her face and causes immediate panic.

What have they done now? Has she realized how out of their element they are?

“Hey, your lip is bleeding.”

Sure enough, when Briar lifts a hand to their mouth their fingers come away wet. Their bottom lip smarts from where their father had backhanded them the night before. “I’ll just go, I’m sorry. I didn’t—mean to cause you trouble.”

They hurry past the shelves and escape out into the street before Sam can say another word. The damp air slaps their cheeks and cools down the flush in their face.

They duck their head against the mist of rain before scurrying down the street. They don’t slow until they’re sure that no one is following them and even then, they have to take the time to breathe through their panic.

Going into a witch’s shop was stupid. They don’t belong there. They don’t belong anywhere.

Briar sighs and licks the blood from their lips.

It was time to find a place to stay for the night.

* * *

The next day, Briar finds themselves back in front of _The Dragon’s Mantle._ It’s stupid. It doesn’t make sense. But something about the unique oddity of the shop calls to them.

Perhaps it’s the fact that they’re as much of an outcast as they’ll ever be.

The bell greets them again when they open the door. There’s a girl at the register but it’s not Sam. Briar tries not to feel overly relieved about that.

They head down the aisle of sage and purifying crystals on their way back to the books. The smell is refreshing, and they wonder if any amount of incense can wash away what’s bad in them.

Their parents would disagree vehemently.

Once again, they find themselves in a section of books. There’s a man perusing the section Briar had been in previously, so they head back towards the shelves Sam had mentioned.

It feels wrong as they eye pictures of pentagrams and strange symbols. Their heart races in their chest as if expecting their parents to pop out of the woodwork and punish them.

Their fingers shake when they pull out a book on Demonolatry, which turns out to be about the study of demons from what they can gather.

There are a few chairs scattered around and a sign welcoming reading and questions. They fold themselves into a well-worn armchair in the corner, where there’s no chance of being ambushed from anywhere but the front.

Satisfied with that, they open the book once more and examine the index. They’ve got no basis to go off and no clue where to start. So they open to the front chapter and settle in.

They relax slowly as they read about a world where demons aren’t shunned and a surefire way to be punished. It’s sobering, they think, to see how different other people view the world.

They’ve been stuck behind a curtain of their parents’ design for so long they’re not entirely sure what they believe anymore.

“You’re back.”

Briar startles and feels their earlier sense of calm flee like a spooked horse; gone in an instant without a moment’s hesitation. Their head lifts as their arms do wrap around the book in an attempt to hide the subject.

Sam smiles back at them with what looks like a coffee in one hand. “I thought I chased you off.” There are small silver balls sitting in the dimples of her cheeks that hadn’t been there the day before. “I’m glad you came back.”

“Why?” It’s out before Briar can stop it and they sink lower in their seat. “I mean—I’m sorry, I just—”

She waves them off and glances at the watch around her wrist. “I have to clock in but don’t feel like you have to run away again. I promise I don’t bite.”

Briar flushes when she winks. Thankfully, she disappears into a side door before the humiliation can get much worse.

They debate leaving but that would surely make them look rude. Sam has been nothing but kind to them so far and they can’t help but feel bad for running away last time.

Their tongue flicks out against their lip and runs over the healing cut there.

They’ll stay for a bit longer, Briar decides. They’ve got nowhere else to go, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome! Feel free to yell either here or on tumblr @ apassintohell
> 
> [Story playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0z0Jgpe3Sk6MLt7J80GInM?si=QEuZNNkxSVKLKh7y9EZ6Og)


End file.
